Finding a process to identify the Gap!
All of this led Sue to decide that she wanted to understand why she found handling conflict so difficult and to get some strategies to use to help her deal with it more effectively. So Sue decided to try the Better Life Toolkit Questionnaires which proved to be a very effective tool in helping her understand what she needed to do.

• Sue's self-perception feedback showed a Yellow style preference when she was operating in a positive state of mind indicating her strongest focus as willing, helpful and friendly. The interesting observation was when she moved into a less positive state she realised she remained in the 'yellow' style becoming emotional, hesitant, anxious and compliant.
• From the analysis she gained a good understanding of when Less Positive behaviour emerges it is likely due to someone or something that caused her to be uncertain or annoyed. In some way her expectations had been challenged and this had made her feel uncertain and she had taken Flight which means that she had looked for ways to cool the person or situation or alternatively to withdraw from the scene.
• This then led her to identify some strategies on what she could do differently to prevent her from taking flight and assist her to focus on the issue in a way that helped her deal with conflict appropriately.
• One such strategy was to learn how to deal with information as if it were neutral and thus avoid putting a personal, emotional spin on it. Being a good listener with empathy was fine when she avoided taking sides, therefore it was important that she learn to maintain an emotional distance thus helping her to be of more assistance to others in finding mutually acceptable solutions.
  
• Sue learned that there were no rights or wrongs in the feedback because it is relative to how she and others perceive their own worlds, and those they relate to in each situation they encounter.